Squire White's

Tell them we sent you

by Jim Johnson

Squire White's Restaurant and Pub
347 Greenwood Street, Worcester
752-7544
Daily 11 a.m.-10 p.m.
Major credit cards
Full bar
Handicap accessible

I can't remember the last time I faced threats of lawsuits and physical violence while reviewing a restaurant. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

It was Saturday night of Labor Day weekend, and I didn't feel like dressing up or traveling far. I'd passed Squire White's earlier that day and saw posters promoting lobsters. I gathered two friends and headed over.

The restaurant was spacious, modern, and spotless. A bar with big-screen TV took up about a third of the space; tables and booths filled the rest. Ceiling fans whirred overhead. Music pulsed from a digital juke box. Bursts of laughter rose above the friendly din. Waitstaff hustled about. Energy and enthusiasm charged the air.

We were greeted with a broad smile and led immediately to our table. In seconds, our server came by to take drink orders and to let us know that they'd run out of lobsters with claws. So, instead of two lobsters for $12.95 or three for $16.95, we could get twice as many for the same amount. Six lobster tails for $16.95? Sounded like a great deal to us.

While we looked over the menu, we ordered an appetizer combination platter. Onion rings were lightly battered and sweet, and potato skins were draped with American cheese and strips of bacon. Chicken fingers were tender and moist, while mozzarella sticks were standard issue. Mushrooms were meaty and fresh. Chicken wings and fried shrimp were, well, missing. But we did get a few scraps of scallops and mushroom bits dredged from the Fry-o-lator. An accompanying marinara sauce was rich and fresh. Overall, a positive.

Dinner prices are absurdly cheap, like all-you-can-eat roast beef for under $6. The menu's packed with choices in the $5 to $7 range, from lasagna to "broasted" chicken to fried haddock. Sandwiches and burgers come in even lower. Specials offer equally tempting values.

Sadly, they'd sold out of even the clawless lobsters just minutes earlier. Indeed, the last lobsters arrived at the next table: a steaming stack of six of them. I could indulge my desire for lobster with the cold lobster plate ($7.95), a cold half lobster (with claw) served with chunky, meaty lobster salad, sliced tomatoes, and a slice of honeydew melon. Just right for a summer night.

The prime rib ($7.95) was huge! It was cooked precisely pink as requested and overflowed with juices and flavor. Chunky, fresh mashed potatoes were slathered with gravy that tasted fresh from the drippings pan.

At $5.95, the sirloin tips were an amazing bargain with meaty chunks of beef piled high on flavored rice. The tips had been stir-fried with onions and green peppers and were tender as could be. A marinade or splash of teriyaki sauce would have made it perfect.

Although our server confided in us that she was thoroughly exhausted at the end of a full shift, she was friendly as could be and maintained perfect pacing. She added personality and spark to an already pleasant dining experience.

The evening did have its flaws. For example, corn on the cob was soggy with all sweetness and flavor leached out (a sin with farm stands on every street corner). The blueberry pie came with what appeared to be canned filling. And sometimes dishes weren't exactly as promised, from the missing fried shrimp to a lobster plate that was supposed to have different kinds of fruit. And answers about sides and pricing were often contradictory.

The biggest flaw, however, came as I left the restaurant and asked one of the waitstaff for a takeout menu. Told that Squire White's has no takeout menus, I revealed that I was a reviewer for the Worcester Phoenix and asked if I could borrow a regular menu for a few days. Things went downhill from there.

A man identified only as "The Boss" (he wouldn't give his name) immediately came over and started a lengthy tirade about the Phoenix. "I don't want anything to do with you people," he said. "All you do is come in and bother me."

After some "discussion," I learned that some Phoenix advertising reps may have been overly aggressive. I tried to explain that I have nothing to do with advertising, that the paper, in fact, has a firm separation of "church" and "state." I repeated that the experience had been generally quite positive.

"First, I don't want anything to do with you people," he said. "Second, if you put in anything bad, I'll sue you."

He grew increasingly belligerent, and I told him I felt he was being a real asshole about things. Not recognizing "asshole" as a culinary term, he took it personally and continued the waste-tract allusion: "Then how about I beat the shit out of you?" I considered the question rhetorical and beat a hasty retreat, as The Boss followed, suggesting in the strongest terms that I leave and never return.

I feel that the few flaws experienced during dinner resulted from the relatively late hour on a busy evening. A return trip would have likely proven that. So, you'll just have to go on observations from one visit.

Some of you may be wondering if I was overly forgiving in my review of the actual dining experience, given the threat of legal action. Others might feel I've been vindictive, given the events that followed. As with all my reviews, I've tried to be fair.

Should you go? By all means; the food's quite good, and you can't beat the prices. And, just for kicks, tell them you read about it in the Worcester Phoenix.