Best National Artist

Shania Twain

Canadian-born pop country star Eileen Twain Of the eyes, and the hair, and the bare midriff fame
Took the name "Shania" from her rich heritage
(She's a foster-Indian, close enough by a smidge)
Reaction to her self-titled debut was not great
But her looks (and mid-section) attracted a mate
Pursued and then landed by Robert Lange ("Mutt")
Whose production (Bryan Adams, Def Leppard) kicked butt
The Woman in Me (her next effort) went Diamond
(That's next up from Platinum, 10 million and climbin')
Made the cover of Glamour and the Rolling Stone
This crossover star was no country cornpone
Her assertiveness (and navel) were not Nashville's dream
But as VH1's Diva, she looked good with Celine
And now Come on Over is burning the charts
She's gone Diamond again, that's 10 million broke hearts
The video for "That Don't Impress Me Much" ain't
Like no country song Patsy or Dolly would paint
But May 15 she's fourth, 78 weeks on Billboard
One of Maxim's "50 Sexiest Women in the World"
Though reviews of her live shows have been mixed at best
The awards pile up higher than, well, her chest

-- David Ritchie