Hot Dots

by Clif Garboden

FRIDAY

7:30 (2) Missing in Auction! Year upon year, complaining about the overall putrid quality of this fundraiser and all its hideous nuances has grown stale. We can't turn the corner and recommend this as a camp viewing experience or even bring ourselves to wax generous and suggest that, with Newt and his minnows -- er, minions -- slashing government support of public television out of fear that somebody will actually speak the truth to voters, even this lame-ass excuse for programming is worth it for the money raised. Truth is, there really is nothing enjoyable or informative or praiseworthy or tolerable about Channel 2's annual marathon auction. It is the cynical side of public broadcasting -- more manifest here even than in those hard-sell (often deceptive) pledge breaks or the suddenly square programming choices (Lawrence Welk, John Tesh, etc.) that turn pledge months into caricatures. Sorry, can't stand it. Can't stop it, either. The auction action will persist all week, daily from 1 p.m. to around 1:30 a.m. And for what it's worth, we still think we have the answer -- Channel 2 should go commercial for one month a year. It would make more than it does with this junk. (Until 1:30 a.m.)

9:00 (44) Pole to Pole: Cold Start. Michael Palin's BBC follow-up to his thoroughly entertaining Around the World in 80 Days is considerably less lively -- which owes in part to the decision to lug his camera crew from the Arctic to the South Pole via Africa, where it's difficult to have fun with things. This kickoff visit to Norway and other icy climes is pretty good, though. (Until 10 p.m.)

SATURDAY

1:00 (2) The Auction. Don't go here. (Until 1:30 a.m.)

1:00 (25) Baseball. The Sox versus the New York Yankees.

7:00 (44) The Royal Opera House: Horse Trading. The second of six shows exploring the behind-the-scenes side of London's legendary class-art venue follows a backstage battle over the casting of Aurora for The Sleeping Beauty. (Until 8 p.m.)

8:00 (25, 64) Hockey. Finally, the Stanley Cup finals, with the Philadelphia Flyers facing off against the Detroit Red Wings. Games two and three will be Tuesday and Thursday, same time, probably on ESPN.

8:00 (38) Crazy People (movie). Madison Avenue and all who sale with it are lampooned in this 1990 comedy about an advertising exec who creates a series of brutally honest campaigns and is tossed into a loony bin. Starring Dudley Moore and Daryl Hannah. (Until 10 p.m.)

9:00 (7, 10) The Body Snatchers (movie). Channel 7 describes the plot of this thus: "When soldiers from a nearby army base place several mysterious boxes in her parents [sic] bedroom closet, Marty Malone fears that her stepmother has been replaced by an alien duplicate." Funny, we would have figured they were stashing drugs. As far as we can make out, this is the 1993 Abel Ferrara version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers (the 1956 Don Siegel original and the 1978 Philip Kaufman remake). Starring Gabrielle Anwar, Terry Kinney, Meg Tilly, and Forest Whitaker. (Until 10:50 p.m.)

9:00 (44) Advise and Consent (movie). In 1962, people thought this insider's drama about Washington politics was an eye opener. Don't be surprised if it all looks like business as usual 35 years later. Otto Preminger's adaptation of Allen Drury's Pulitzer-winning novel stars Henry Fonda, Walter Pidgeon, and Charles Laughton. (Until 11:20 p.m.)

11:20 (44) Preminger: Anatomy of a Filmmaker. Burgess Meredith hosts a profile of the man who brought us Advise and Consent, Anatomy of a Murder, and more than several other classics. Remembering Otto are George C. Scott, Frank Sinatra, James Stewart, and Deborah Kerr. To be repeated on Wednesday at 11 a.m. on Channel 44. (Until 12:20 a.m.)

SUNDAY

1:00 (2) The Auction. Can you have this much fun and not be arrested? (Until 1:30 a.m.)

3:00 (7, 10) Maybe Basketball. We figure the Bulls will have put away the Heat by now, but NBA Western Conference game seven, if necessary, could turn up here, or at 7 or 9 p.m., with the Houston Rockets still taking on the Utah Jazz.

5:00 (38) Psycho (movie). Tony loves Mom. Janet loves money. Mom's a little possessive. Alfred Hitchcock's 1960 thriller, starring Anthony Perkins and Janet Leigh. (Until 7 p.m.)

9:00 (7, 10) Chasers (movie). Dennis Hopper directed this 1994 remake of The Last Detail, with Tom Berenger and William McNamara as the Navy military types who have to transport a hapless sailor to the brig. This time around, said hapless sailor is not Randy Quaid but Erica Eleniak. You can guess the rest. Crispin Glover, Gary Busey, Marilu Henner, Dean Stockwell, and Hopper himself help out. (Until 11 p.m.)

7:00 (38) Never Cry Wolf (movie). Charles Martin Smith plays Canadian naturalist and animal-rights advocate and writer Farley Mowat in this true tale of one man's dance with the wolves. From 1983. Worth seeing at least once. (Until 9 p.m.)

9:00 (4, 12) The Tony Awards. It's that time again. Rosie O'Donnell hosts. (Until 11 p.m.)

9:00 (5) Port Charles (movie). No information was available. Let's say we set it in Louisiana, where two brothers struggle for control of the family business and one knows a dirty secret about the other's wife, or is having an affair with the other's wife, or is the other's wife. Then again, this could be set on Lake Ontario, or on the Isle of Wight, or in Madagascar. (Until 11 p.m.)

10:00 (44) Mystery: The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes: The Red Circle. Repeated from last week. Holmes (played for total annoyance by Jeremy Brett) looks into the background of an Italian woman who is trying to escape the clutches of a gang of thugs -- delicately not referred to as the Mafia. (Until 11 p.m.)

MONDAY

1:00 (2) The Auction. People watch this and don't bid. Go figure. (Until 1:30 a.m.)

8:00 (25, 64) Tombstone (movie). Kurt Russell (Wyatt), Sam Elliott (Virgil), and Bill Paxton (Morgan) head to Tombstone as the Earps take on the Clantons one more time. Val Kilmer pitches in as Doc Holliday; some combination of Michael Biehn, Powers Boothe, Robert Burke, Dana Delany, and Jason Priestley portray the Clantons. From 1993. (Until 10 p.m.)

8:00 (44) The World of National Geographic: Etosha: Place of Dry Water. A National Geographic show that's turned up rather relentlessly over the past decade. Etosha is a national park in Namibia (Africa), and this special showcases its lions, cheetahs, and bird-eating turtles (which sounds like something David Letterman would repeat 40 times in an hour). What that mystical "dry water" business is all about is anybody's guess. (Until 9 p.m.)

9:00 (5) The 1997 World Music Awards. Taped last month in Monte Carlo, and with winners like the Bee Gees, Lionel Ritchie, Celine Dion, Kenny G, the Fugees, Oasis, Julio Iglesias, and the Spice Girls, it really should be called the World Pop Music Awards. (Until 11 p.m.)

9:00 (44) The American Experience: Vietnam: A Television History: LBJ Goes to War (1964-'65) and America Takes Charge (1965-'67). This excellent series continues -- a refugee here from the auction -- with a look at how the man who claimed he sought "no wider war" blew it and plunged America headlong into a pointless conflict that some might say did more damage to our country than the Civil War. Of course, it soon became clear to all involved that the South Vietnamese military we were supporting were neither interested in nor capable of putting up a respectable fight. Solution -- send more poor American poor kids over and tell them they're defending democracy. To be repeated on Tuesday at 10 and 11 a.m.)

TUESDAY

1:00 (2) The Auction. Remember, you're not actually missing any PBS programs -- they'll all show up in week or two. It's not like when, say, the NBA playoffs bump a TV-movie and Susan Lucci fans sometimes have to wait an entire season before it's rescheduled. (Until 1:30 a.m.)

9:00 (4, 12) Face of Evil (movie). Actually, the plot we gave you for Port Charles could fit here. Or maybe this is one of those stories about the high-school classmate from Hell who pops up and ruins a happy family's lives. (Until 11 p.m.)

WEDNESDAY

1:00 (2) The Auction. Why are you watching? Send us an e-mail; let us know. (Until 1:30 a.m.)

8:00 (25, 64) Bad Girls (movie). Madeleine Stowe, Andie MacDowell, Drew Barrymore, and Mary Stuart Masterson star in this tale of four gorgeous saloon girls who have to hit the trail -- dodging Pinkerton bounty hunters, federal marshals, local sheriffs, even nasty outlaws -- after one of them knocks off an upstanding local citizen in self-defense. Happens all the time. With Dermot Mulroney, James Russo, and Robert Loggia. From 1994. (Until 10 p.m.)

9:00 (4, 12) The Rockford Files (movie). Not sure whether this is the 1974 TV-series pilot, with Lindsay Wagner, or a new Rockford TV-movie. Either way, James Garner is always fun to watch. (Until 11 p.m.)

9:00 (7, 10) Basketball. The NBA finals, game one. We think.

THURSDAY

1:00 (2) The Auction. With the emergence of the home-shopping networks, does WGBH worry about the company it's keeping? (Until 1:30 a.m.)

8:00 (38) Opposing Force (movie). One Air Force commander's simulated POW conditions get a little out of hand and he ends up raping one female recruit and training his men to death. Tom Skerritt, Anthony Zerbe, and Lisa Eichhorn star. From 1986. (Until 10 p.m.)

9:00 (44) Mystery: The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes: The Golden Pince-Nez. The unexplained murder of a recent Cambridge graduate in Kent turns Sherlock into a chain smoker while plunging him into a tale of Russian revolutionaries. (Until 10 p.m.)

FRIDAY

1:00 (2) The Auction. Why are there at least three signs for Winter Street on the Mass Turnpike overpass over the westbound lanes? Nothing to do with the Auction; we've just been wondering. (Until 1:30 a.m.)

8:00 (38) The Saint of Fort Washington (movie). Danny Glover and Matt Dillon star as two homeless men into a mutual support thing. From 1993. (Until 10 p.m.)

9:00 (7, 10) Basketball. NBA finals, game two.

9:00 (44) Pole to Pole: Russian Steps. That is, we believe a pun, not a misspelling. Michael Palin continues his North/South trek through Russia, were he winds up getting smashed on homemade vodka. (Until 10 p.m.)

The 525th line. We haven't exactly seen the future of rock-and-roll TV, but we've heard about it. MTV, eager to counter its well-earned reputation for running a music station that almost never airs any music, is kicking off a companion channel called M2. Unfortunately, M2 is available currently in select markets via private satellite dish, but the plans are, as befitting the TV-music giant, gargantuan. Someday, you will see music videos -- and from different genres, too -- on cable TV again, and with local music news and features cut into the mix.

But for now, you'll have to content yourselves with the eclectic mix offered by a 13-concert midnight-Saturday series, called On Tour, on Channel 44. The series features live performances by more than 50 rock acts, taped at various shows around the world. The curtain goes up on June 7 with Sting plus Steve Earle, Nil Lara, and Amanda Marshall. And these aren't just concert clips that somebody bought and threw together. There's actually something like a show here -- with interviews and backstage clips. Here's the schedule (as much as we have of it). June 14: No Doubt, A Tribe Called Quest, Spearhead, Phunk Junkies, and Bad Religion. June 21: Metallica, Devo (does everyone know one another?), Satchel, Melvins, the Low & Sweet Orchestra, and Psychotica. June 28: Beck, the Refreshments, Cibo Matto, and Rickie Lee Jones. July 5: Blues Traveler, Rusted Root, Medeski Martin and Wood, Super 8, Left Over Salmon, and Son Volt. July 19: the Fugees, G. Love and Special Sauce, the Four Tops, and the Low & Sweet Orchestra. That will have to do for now (never received the next page of the press release); watch this column for week-to-week updates.