Hot Dots

by Clif Garboden

FRIDAY 2

8:00 (38) "Crocodile" Dundee (movie). The original, and most palatable, of the CD sagas, with Paul Hogan and Linda Kozlowski. (Until 10 p.m.)

9:00 (2) Nunsense 2: The Sequel. How this effort is substantially different from the original is an irrelevant question. Rue McClanahan reprises her obnoxious role as the Big Mother to the Little Sisters of Hoboken, who go back on stage for another round of lame Catholic jokes. Irony follows. (Until 10:50)

9:00 (44) Around the World in 80 Days: A Close Shave. Michael Palin does India. (Until 10 p.m.)

10:50 (2) Sister Wendy. Here's the aforementioned irony. Unintentional juxtaposition? We trow not. Little Sister Wendy offers one of her spiritual art tours. (Until 11 p.m.)

SATURDAY 3

4:30 (5) The Kentucky Derby. Do horses even like roses?

8:00 (44) Masterpiece Theatre: The Buccaneers, part one. Repeated from last week. American daughters of the recently wealthy invade England to snare sex-starved aristocrats. It was a plan. Little did they suspect that the old money was almost gone. Mira Sorvino and Carla Gugino are among the 1870s golddiggers. From an unfinished novel by Edith Wharton. (Until 9:30 p.m.)

9:00 (2) Three Coins in the Fountain (movie). A classic thanks largely to the mid-'50s popularity of its Jule Styne/Sammy Cahn theme song. Three secretaries (Dorothy Maguire, Jean Peters, and Maggie McNamara) go to Rome, wish for romance at the Trevi Fountain, and meet Louis Jourdan and Rossano Brazzi. Note: this is better than -- though not too much different from -- 1962's Rome Adventure with Suzanne Pleshette, Troy Donahue, and Rossano Brazzi, but we wouldn't waste our time watching either of them except for the travelogue-footage padding. (Until 10:40 p.m.)

9:00 (2) Interview with the Vampire (movie). Never understood that title. In Anne Rice's world, is there only one vampire? However many, there are three screen darlings in this -- Tom Cruise, Antonio Banderas, and Brad Pitt. (Until 11 p.m.)

9:30 (44) Great Performances: Julie Andrews: Back on Broadway. Her life on the stage. Her songs. Her triumphs. Etc. (Until 11 p.m.)

10:40 (2) Some Came Running (movie). Jim From Here to Eternity Jones's tale of the fabled post-World War II blues in a small Midwestern town brought to the big screen in 1958 by Vincente Minnelli. Starring Frank Sinatra, Shirley MacLaine, and Dean Martin. Man, that's real '50s. (Until 1 a.m.)

SUNDAY 4

5:00 (38) Stalking Laura (movie). Richard Thomas stalks Brooke Shields. Like Brooke Shields couldn't take Richard Thomas even before she took acting lessons. (Until 7 p.m.)

7:00 (38) Someone To Watch over Me (movie). A murder witness falls in love with the cop sent to protect her from either Richard Thomas or Brooke Shields. Starring Mimi Rogers and Tom Berenger. (Until 9 p.m.)

8:00 (5) Forrest Gump (movie). Something about a box of chocolates. Starring Tom Hanks, Sally Field, and Mykelti Williamson. (Until 11 p.m.)

9:00 (2) Masterpiece Theatre: The Buccaneers, part two. Keeping score. Tonight, as the girls move into Idina Hatton's cottage at Runnymede, expect Julius to propose to Nan and Virginia to go broke when Daddy loses his fortune. (Until 11 p.m.)

9:00 (7, 10) Robin Cook's Invasion (movie), part one. So this is the way the world ends . . . invaded by Robin Cook. Teeny-tiny UFOs land on earth and spread a deadly virus that can be defeated only by college students. The world-saving duties fall to Luke (90210) Perry in this. To be concluded on Monday starting at 9 p.m. (Until 11 p.m.)

9:00 (44) Frontline: Navy Blues. Repeated from last week. Tailhook and other, less suggestively named, military scandals revisited. (Until 10 p.m.)

11:00 (2) Mystery: Cadfael: One Corpse Too Many. Repeated from last week. Ninety-four rebel soldiers to bury, but clever Cadfael notices that the body count doesn't come out even. To be repeated on Tuesday at 9 p.m. on Channel 44.

MONDAY 5

8:00 (44) The American Experience: Around the World in 72 Days. The life of Nellie Bly, a late-1800s New York newspaper reporter who broke ground and went underground, posing as all manner of disreputable folk, to get the inside story. She also took on the challenge of re-creating Jules Verne's fictional globe-circling journey and beat the novel's record by eight days. (Until 9 p.m.)

9:00 (2) The American Experience: Spy in the Sky. Eisenhower lied about this, but he probably expected the public to be sympathetic in light of who he was deceiving. The Francis Gary Powers U2 spy-plane incident of 1960. (Until 10 p.m.)

9:00 (5) Tidal Wave: No Escape (movie). Corbin Bernsen and Julianne Phillips team up to save the world from over-arching water -- manmade tidal waves, actually. We can imagine some villain escaped from a James Bond plot being responsible for this. (Until 11 p.m.)

9:00 (7, 10) Robin Cook's Invasion (movie), part two. The conclusion. Who would have though that vaccinating everyone with latte would stop the otherworldly medical menace. (Until 11 p.m.)

9:00 (44) The Trial of Adolf Eichmann. Recounting the war-crimes trial responsible for making more people hate Nazis in 1961 than had at the end of World War II. It was also the first trial to be televised. Clips included in this special. (Until 11 p.m.)

10:00 (2) [[exclamdown]]Chicano! The History of the Mexican-American Civil Rights Movement: Taking Back the Schools. Well, "back" may be a bit of hyperbole. A documentary about the 1968 East LA high-school walkout that landed several community leaders in court on conspiracy charges. (Until 11 p.m.)

TUESDAY 29

8:00 (2) Nova: Flood! Recalling the Mississippi Valley's record-breaking overflows of 1993, which may actually have been worse thanks to the elaborate flood-control systems in place. Of course, this will have to be updated given the current sodden state of South Dakota. To be repeated on Wednesday at midnight, and on Thursday at 8 p.m. on Channel 44. (Until 9 p.m.)

8:00 (25, 64) Mrs. Doubtfire (movie). Robin Williams stars as a man who cross-dresses (complete with anatomical props) to impersonate a nanny so he can see his estranged kids. An excuse for Williams to scale more comedic heights. (Until 10:30 p.m.)

8:00 (44) Masterpiece Theatre: Middlemarch, part five. Money problems and scandals plague the town. (Until 9 p.m.)

9:00 (2) Frontline: Smoke in the Eye. Kind of old news now that the tobacco folk and the feds have agreed to let Joe Camel live in exchange for letting the FDA take over butt regulation. Nevertheless, an interesting look back at a libel suit against ABC, and at CBS's decision not to air a 60 Minutes interview with a cigarette-company whistle blower. (Until 10 p.m.)

9:00 (4, 12) Sisters and Other Strangers (movie). Joanna Kerns doesn't get along with sis Deborah Farentino, so naturally when Deb commits suicide some official busybody discovers it's really murder and gets Joanna arrested. Sounds like an old Perry Mason plot; you can almost hear Lieutenant Tragg breaking the bad news to Perry. A 1997 TV-movie. (Until 11 p.m.)

9:00 (2) Mystery: Cadfael: One Corpse Too Many. Repeated from Sunday at 11 p.m.

10:00 (2) Jupiter's Wife. A film by Michel Negroponte exploring the history and downfall of a homeless woman. Who says the sparrow doesn't fall far from the tree? (Until 11:30 p.m.)

WEDNESDAY 30

9:00 (2) American Masters: Jack Paar: As I Was Saying. Bio of the nervous and neurotic Tonight Show host (1957-'62) remembered for his odd wit, peculiar guests (Alexander King, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Peggy Cass, Hans Conried, Genevieve), memorable moments (the exploding Bufferin) that alienated sponsors, his Ed McMahon (Hugh Downs), his not-especially-talented bandleader (José Melis), and numerous emotional confrontations with NBC (from the legendary controversy over a censored toilet joke to a showdown at the Berlin Wall). More colorful than Carson; more talented than Leno. Worth finding out about, we kid you not. (Until 11 p.m.)

9:00 (4, 12) Knots Landing: Back to the Cul-de-Sac (movie), part one. Right. Like we care about this crap. We're certain this is a major television event for KL fans -- whoever, whatever, and whyever you may be. To be concluded on Friday starting at 9 p.m. (Until 11 p.m.)

THURSDAY 1

9:00 (2) Mystery: The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes: The Dying Detective. The (late) Jeremy Brett series, which -- not to speak ill of the dead or anything -- suffers from a serious lack of energy and character involvement on the part of its star. Tonight Holmes investigates a woman's claim that her husband is addicted to opium. Perhaps they had the same dealer. (Until 10 p.m.)

9:00 (5) Lethal Weapon 3 (movie). Remember Lethal Weapon 2? It's like that. (Until 11:30 p.m.)

10:00 (44) Scientific American Frontiers: Life's Big Questions. Host Alan Alda gazes at the far stars with astronomers, looking for a record of how the universe began. Plus an interview with the late Carl Sagan on extraterrestrials and other unsolved mysteries. (Until 11 p.m.)

FRIDAY 2

9:00 (2) Bogart: The Untold Story. Previously aired on one of the Turner stations. Humphrey's son, Stephen, hosts a bio/tribute to the screen legend. (Until 9:50 p.m.)

9:00 (44) Around the World in 80 Days: Oriental Express. The Singapore/Hong Kong/Canton leg of the expedition has global adventurer Michael Palin sidestepping a typhoon and ordering a snake dinner. Yuck . . . yes, yuck. (Until 10 p.m.)

9:00 (4, 12) Knots Landing: Back to the Cul-De-Sac (movie), part two. The conclusion. (Until 11 p.m.)

9:50 (2) To Have and Have Not (movie). From 1944 with Humphrey Bogart and a first-time-on-screen Lauren Bacall. Corny and obvious Howard Hawks WW2 plot but colorful enough to rank it among the most enjoyable films ever made. If Walter Brennan's rummy/crackpot routine doesn't stick with you, Hoagy Carmichael's lovable racist ragtime piano number will. And Bacall, it's safe to say, got the entire planet's attention with a debut performance falling somewhere between Lilian Gish and Ida Lupino at their most appealing. (Until 11:30 p.m.)

The 525th line.

A Year in Slop Dept.: sorry about not alerting you readers to the nevertheless overpromoted U2 -- A Year in Pop special last Saturday at 10 p.m. on ABC. But then, we may have done you a favor. Talk about unabashed hype. Talk about phony. Talk about having Dennis Hopper (credibility factor: -10; Q-rating: even less) read a script calculated to counter every negative thought the press or anybody else ever had about the lads. Talk about countering those well-known, well-deserved, and ultimately irrelevant charges of commercialism with posed confessions and spacy rationalizations. Talk about coming off like four aging pretentious twits. Jeez, you'd think these guys wanted to be saints. Yes, Dennis (and/or Dennis's scriptwriter), a decade ago it would have been unthinkable that U2 would kick off a tour in Vegas. And double-yes, it is tacky, culturally embarrassing, and politically repugnant. But if the band are so ashamed of it and want to apologize to the world that they suspect is now at least a little hipper than they are, show us some of the damn concert. A one-hour infomercial for a rock band is a sorry thing to run on network television.

Usury is a better idea: most magazine-format TV-news show exposés are just barreled fish and softballs (ripping the lid off three-card monte, etc.), so we were amazed at Prime Time Live's April 23 report on how the Ford Motor Company's mortgage-lending subsidiary uses high-pressure and deceptive practices to trap vulnerable borrowers into debt cycles that Rocky Balboa would be ashamed to enforce. Haven't been counting the "Love Machine" ads on ABC before or since, but in the almost ethics-bereft world of broadcast journalism, it takes guts to make a major advertiser look like Simon Legree. Oh, and lest Ford think it covered its tailpipe with its on-camera rebuttal . . . sorry, Henry. Your spokesperson appeared to be doing nothing so much as lying. We didn't believe a word she said. Haven't driven one lately . . . won't be soon.