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ELTON JOHN AND TIM RICE'S AIDA

(Rocket)

You'd think Captain Fantastic plus Giuseppe Verdi would equal great camp. But Tim Rice is a venal schlockmeister who writes at lethal levels of unspecificity. And Elton merely follows suit, fashioning potential Eurovision Song Contest entries. Vocalists Kelly Price, James Taylor, and Lulu all do their jobs well, but the music is so anonymous that they might as well be singing to click tracks.

Too bad, because the only place you'll find such an impressive roster is backstage at the Grammys: Tina Turner, Janet Jackson, Lenny Kravitz, Shania Twain, and Boyz II Men are all wasted on songs that could have been part of any cockamamie resurrection. So the standouts are a Sly & Robbie-produced Sting song about pyramids and the Spice Girls' peppy "My Strongest Suit," about sartorial habits -- songs about, you know, things. Before musicals became indentured to dramaturgy, they flooded the hit parade with tunes. Now the hit parade that Elton used to represent returns the favor and offers this collection of nonentities to Broadway. Let's hope it doesn't give Diane Warren any bright ideas about The Tales of Hoffmann.

-- Kevin John