*** Smoking Popes

DESTINATION FAILURE

(Capitol)

Down at the rock-and-roll laboratory they've been working 'round the clock to come up with something to hold up the stars now that the Ramones are kaputzville. Somehow the blood samples got mixed up: the doltish professors got Johnny's blood mixed in with Morrissey's, and the lab geeks didn't realize the Ramones weren't actually related until it was too late. Result: sad-sack, self-referential, lovelorn guy named Josh Caterer mocks himself to the tune of "I Wanna Be Sedated," only with twice the chord changes, and with support from his real brothers Matt (bass) and Eli (guitar), as well as their next-door neighbor Mike Felumlee (drums). Of course, Josh's bloodlines are still warring -- first song, last line: "My heart tapped me on the shoulder and whispered in my ear, `Don't be a pussy all your life.' "

He's also still in love with Morrissey (it's a vestigial genetic thing), who took the Popes on tour last year and named them his favorite new band! And what do the Ramonisseys -- er, sorry -- the Smoking Popes have to say about it? "You didn't play my favorite song but that's all right, I loved the new stuff too/I'm just glad I got to see you," Josh croons. "I don't know if you actually saved my life, but you changed it, that's for sure." Jeez. Kids these days -- you can't please 'em.

-- Carly Carioli