The gospel according to Ted

The Nuge cannot be stopped

by John O'Neill

A few facts you should probably know about Ted Nugent. Well, according to Nuge they are facts -- he always makes sure to point out what are the facts, and what is strictly his own opinion. And, while the lines sometimes seem to blur between the two, today (and we get the feeling this goes for pretty much every day) he is

short on neither. Take his recent snubbing by the Detroit News's Susan Whitehall on her recent piece about the history of Detroit rock and roll.

"It listed everyone who even stood downwind of a musician. Every club, every band, every roadie, every guitar tech. They were listed. But you couldn't find Ted Nugent or the Amboy Dukes anywhere," says the Nuge from his home. "Even if I were a bum or washed up you can't write a story about the Motor City without mentioning Mr. Chrysler! [Whitehall] said, `I hate his guns.' So she left me out of the history of Detroit Music. The month before I got a lifetime achievement award! It just makes my resolve ti-fuckin'-tanium."

The cold shoulder is odd, given the following: he's made 29 albums and accumulated 30 million sold (fact). He influenced both the Stooges and MC5 with his stage show during his early days with the Dukes (his fact) as well as Fugazi's Ian MacKaye (a fact he hadn't yet known was a fact). He was the number-one grossing touring act from 1977-'79 (fact). He's considered the world's number-one "Guitar Showman" (his fact). But along the way, the shit-kickin', white-heat pickin' Nugent -- once responsible for raising bombast to spectacular new heights with immortal tunes like "Yank Me, Crank Me," "Cat Scratch Fever," "Kiss My Ass," "Wango Tango," and the pinnacle of puerility, "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang" -- has gone on to become a staunch handgun activist (including an appointment to the NRA's board of directors in '95), a hard-line conservationist, and a right-winger who counts Rush Limbaugh and Ken Hamblin as his pals. He's anti-drug, pro-hunting, works closely with local police authorities, as well as elected public officials, and takes no prisoners and no shit when it comes to his many passions. The Motor City Madman (now also known as the Motor City MADDman -- figure it out) approaches the issues of his multifaceted life with the same zeal and surplus attitude as he does singing from the stage about the joys of pussy.

"People say I use the stage as a bully pulpit for the NRA, but it isn't true," says Uncle Ted with a chuckle. "I cause these guys to shit blood because, this is the truth, I make my politics, especially hunting and guns, bulletproof because of my knowledge, first-person experience, and reverence, and I present this on talk radio. It's information that my critics are in a scramble to negate. When I was growing up my generation had unlimited access to unlimited firepower and there was no such thing as a car jacking. There was no such thing as a school shooting. There's outrageous non-representation in the media. For every six or seven pro-gun stories there are 357 that are adamantly anti-gun. It's out of control on a sheer intellectual level . . . . It's as clear as the middle finger throbbing on my fist -- the bad [government in general and Clinton specifically] should never out-firepower the good!"

And, if lobbying for the NRA couldn't keep a rocker busy enough, Nugent keeps an eye on potential threats to Michigan's wildlife from his office, where, if duty calls, he can mobilize a fairly sizable protest ("I'm gonna call these [people] if they try to sell state land to cut down trees to make 10 times their money and tell 'em I'm gonna eat your fucking face. We do it courteously by the way."), currently publishes his own magazine, Adventure Outdoors (this month featuring an article on Prairie Chicken Aid and Kentucky's boast of "No Fatal Incidents"), contributes as a writer to 20 magazines and newspapers, conducts safaris both abroad and "in Texas," hosts a morning radio show, has a second book, God, Guns and Rock & Roll, due out next month, runs a bow hunting school for kids, has his own line of bows and arrows, is an award-winning creator and producer of Ted Nugent's Spirit of the Wild video series (which has raised in excess of $3 million for public broadcasting), and is the official rock-and-roll/hunting/conservation representative to Rush Limbaugh. And that is only the tip of the iceberg -- Ted Nugent is more than a cottage industry, he's more like the rock-and-roll McDonalds.

"I'm an energized motherfucker. I've got a real good regimen of compartmentalization. I've never poisoned myself [with drugs or alcohol]. Only I can guide the hunts in Africa, so I have an adept staff and road crew. They are absolutely the world's greatest. The Nugent Tribe has no room for BS."

Which, given all the different pokers Nugent has in the fire, begs the question, why still rock and roll? He's 51, has four children, prefers to hunt six months a year (the chief reason why you won't be seeing Nuge running for president), and doesn't need the money. Easy, says Ted, "I have to do it. There is a creativity inside me that metastasizes every waking hour. I crave it. I virtually soar on the wings of an up-drafting eagle. It amplifies and exhilarates and accentuates the primal scream that erupted in my garage at age eight. And it's a panic. I get more of a kick now because I know what's coming, and I don't know what's coming. I feel like Lewis and Clark anew every night.

"I'm a different species, and I don't apologize," says Ted in closing. It's bluegill season and he's got to fillet the evening dinner. "Defiance is fun. You know you have to be, so why not enjoy it? If you're gonna be William Wallace, why not enjoy cutting people's heads off? If you're gonna piss people off, celebrate it! My mom says I came out with a hard-on and a middle finger first . . . and nothing's changed!" John O'Neill can be reached at

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