End of Days

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Kevin Smith riding the same rail? You bet. Like Dogma, End of Days is about a soul of shaken faith who's reluctantly undertaken a mission to prevent the obliteration of earthly existence. Arnold plays an ex-cop turned security expert with a boatload of troubles: he's lost his family, he drinks too much, and he gets his ass kicked by a portly, gray-haired nurse. Turns out the Devil's in town (New York City) for the big millennium bash, and if he hooks up with the right girl at the stroke of midnight, all hell will break loose. The woman in question (Robin Tunney) unwittingly carries the mark of Satan, and only she can bear his child. Arnold gets caught up in the bloody mating ritual and pisses the Devil off by stealing his date one too many times.

In the hands of director Peter Hyams -- who does the photography as well -- the film looks great, but the plot is flat and uninspiring. What keeps things afloat is Gabriel Byrne as the pleasure-seeking Devil-in-the-flesh. Be it bedding a mother-daughter combo, punching out a priest, or denouncing God as "the biggest underachiever in history," he's a sheer delight. Arnold delivers the Arnold goods, but it's the Devil who gets his due.

-- Tom Meek