LOSER

by Mike Miliard

If only real life could be as rewarding as writer/director Amy Heckerling's world. In each of her movies -- from Fast Times at Ridgemont High through Clueless and right up to Loser -- the nerd always gets the girl (or, in Clueless, the guy). And when Loser gives us a glimpse of Fast Times' meek, many-Coke-drinking Mark Ratner all grown up, a doctor with graying temples, it's proof positive of Heckerling's unshakable faith in the Triumph of the Dork.

That said, I have to report that Loser is no Fast Times. I wanted it to be, believe me. But despite decent performances by Jason Biggs and Mena Suvari and some welcome cameos by Dan Aykroyd, David Spade, and Stephen Wright, it still falls flat.

Biggs plays Paul, a small-town innocent who heads off to college in NYC like a lamb to the slaughter. With his Holden Caulfield red-plaid deerstalker and painfully earnest expression, Paul is easy prey for the sadistic machinations of his rophynal-dispensing, tequila-swilling roommates. Sure, we know he'll eventually best his oppressors and lure Dora (a bedraggled-looking Suvari) away from the indifferent Professor Alcott (Greg Kinnear). How else could it end? (And at that the abruptness of the ending is unseemly.) But despite its happy dénouement, Loser has none of the aching adolescent pathos and we've-all-been-there predicaments that earned Fast Times its cherished place in the teen-movie pantheon. Perhaps Paul could learn something from Mark Ratner. At the Copley Place, the Fenway, the Fresh Pond, and the Circle and in the suburbs.