The greens party

Part 3

by David Andrew Stoler

Throughout history golf, of course, has been the whiteyest of the white, so rappers appropriated this as well. L.L. started to wear golf caps and shirts. The Biz shot a video on the golf course. This was around 1990. New-school golf was born.

Hole #3

Okay, golf is hard. Damn hard. Hole #3 is tiny -- maybe 130 yards -- but the key here is that it crosses, from tee to green, a road. Next to the road is the Firefly parking lot, and there are screens set up on the side of the third tee to keep an errant tee shot from doing damage to our parked cars. It doesn't work.

This time, though, the embarrassment is not mine. Instead, Chris C. takes a seven-iron at our favorite near-90-degree angle to the right -- the ball barely misses the edge of the screen and goes flying into the parking lot. It doesn't hit the first or second car in, but keeps going right until it finds, at near full speed, the back of a red mini-van.

"I didn't see anything," says Pat from behind us, and we move on.

Hipsters: your standard white reappropriation

Enter the classic pattern in a long history of reappropriation. As they have at least since suburban white boys from Jersey crossed the Hudson to hit up the Harlem jazz joints in the '40s and '50s, styles right now come from urbanity, and by this I generally mean urban blacks.

Trends tend to start with the black pop icons, become hip, then move throughout the city, where the white urban hip quickly pick up on them. Hipness is in the air, and that's when bands like the Beastie Boys, no small co-opters themselves, start to lead another rampart, bringing golf bags on tour and talking to white media about it, etc., etc., ad infinitum -- everyone gets in on the game. From suburb to shining suburb, golf has been reappropriated, and all of America's ears are perked. Enter Tiger Woods.

Woods, though, is just the cherry on top of the whole rap/pro-athlete phenomenon. Tiger is a minority star in a sport just waiting for one. He would not be nearly as popular in any other age.

It's just that, because of rap and M.J., people, in general, were there already, attentions tuned. Now Tiger appeals to a huge new audience of both minorities and white people -- not just hip but mainstream. Golf has moved from elitist, white, and rich, to black, rich, and hip, to all those people combined plus all the white people who just want to play golf anyway but now can do so and appear to be hip, i.e., Collective Soul.

Hole #12

An open letter to Mr. Herb Chambers, new-car dealership magnate:

Mr. Chambers, I'm sure you are aware of the close proximity to the 12th hole of the Firefly golf course with which your Route 44 Seekonk, Massachusetts, Honda dealership lies. You may, however, not be aware of some of the peril this proximity places your vehicles in, particularly those stationed directly behind the 12th green.

Be advised, Mr. Chambers, that golf is an entirely frustrating game and that this frustration can manifest itself in some, well, extreme ways, as was demonstrated by my associate, Mr. C., this past Sunday.

Mr. C., not known for his benevolent temper, had a bit of a tantrum on the 12th hole after missing an easy putt. Do not doubt, Mr. Chambers, that this missed putt was one in a long string of poor playing that resulted in, I'm sorry to say, a rather violent display of frustration by Mr. C. After a cacophonous cry that included expletives unworthy of specific mention, Mr. C. tore across the green and directly toward your new car lot, club in hand.

After hacking away with much vehemence at the tall weeds separating your property from that of Firefly, he made a bee-line for a forest-green Honda Accord. I'm afraid of what might have happened, Mr. Chambers, to that innocent automobile if Mr. C. had not been restrained by me and my fellow compatriots.

In conclusion, you might consider putting up a fence or some sort of barricade to prevent future incident.

With the utmost sincerity,

David A. Stoler, Esq.

Part 4