Fear and Bloating on the Vineyard

Part 9

by Jason Gay

Clinton arrives, via Air Force One, at 9 p.m. on Sunday. When the president actually emerges, limping slightly and looking quite a bit thinner than he did the last time he visited the island, the reporters breathe a sigh of relief. The event is now an Event; even for the most jaded observer, there is no mistaking Presidential Mystique.

But covering this vacation will be a grim, long haul. This becomes abundantly clear on Monday, the first official day of the Presidential Vacation. Clinton sleeps in, but by noontime, he's out the door and off to his inaugural island outing: 18 holes of golf at a waterfront course in the town of Oak Bluffs.

Now, I have been bored by playing golf, bored by watching golf played on TV, and even bored by watching Clinton play golf, but I don't think it's possible to be more bored than you get watching the press watch Clinton play golf. Not that they're exactly watching, anyway. After observing Clinton tee off with First Buddy/lawyer Vernon Jordan, the White House pool sequesters itself inside the golf-course clubhouse and essentially lapses into hibernation for the rest of the afternoon. Food is ordered, editors are called, pool rotations are discussed. A television blares CNN in the background.

These people are masters at killing time. More than one reporter plunks his head down onto a table for a nap, and though that posture looks a tad uncomfortable, they look as if they've done this before. A trio seated at the clubhouse bar plays a card game on a laptop computer. Once in a while someone barks out what hole Clinton is up to, and the number inevitably is low. Clinton is a notoriously slow golfer -- in fairness, he does have to play surrounded by Secret Service -- and five-hour rounds are not uncommon.

There's no Vineyard-vacation excitement to be found here. The sky has cleared and it's become a perfectly splendid island afternoon, but atmosphere inside the clubhouse is duller than a hospital waiting room. The reporters are glassy-eyed and pale, and they perk up only occasionally, as when CNN posts an update from outside the elementary-school press headquarters. When the report finishes, a few people in the clubhouse offer a brief, sarcastic round of applause.

It's day one of a three-week vacation.

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Jason Gay can be reached at jgay[a]phx.com.