Fear and Bloating on the Vineyard

Part 3

by Jason Gay

But before the stories of ice cream and presidential cocktail parties, the public must be prepared for Clinton's arrival. This is the purpose of the "vacation advance."

The rules are simple:

1) Explain that Clinton is returning to Martha's Vineyard.
2) Find someone who says this is good.
3) Find someone who says this is bad.
4) Find someone who says this is really, really good.
5) Discuss potential teen-friendly island activities for Chelsea.
6) Mention high potential for presidential golf.
7) Find someone who has produced wacky T-shirts commemorating the president's arrival.
8) List all the celebrities who live on the island. Run map with locations of celebrities' homes, if space available.

The best advance work to date comes from the Cape Cod Times, which has a new editor and is giving the vacation full Second Coming treatment. The Times has hired presidential newsies at $50 a day to stand on island street corners and hawk its special Clinton editions. And its coverage is not to be missed. On Friday, the paper runs a splashy front-page, above-the-fold story with spiffy cartoons and mini-biographies of Clinton's favorite dinner guests.

One example: "Alan Dershowitz. Age: 58. Addresses: Cambridge and Chilmark. Education: Brooklyn College, 1959; Yale, 1962; Harvard, 1967. Profession: Lawyer, professor of law, Harvard University . . . "

Part 4

Jason Gay can be reached at jgay[a]phx.com.