Dating games

What Worcester college students think of men, women, and dating

by Amy Beaudry

When an Anna Maria College student started sleeping with his girlfriend's friend behind her back, it sparked a two-year battle infamously known on campus as "the Groundhogs vs. the Upstairs." Since the two female students lived in the same dorm, it wasn't too long before other students noticed the guy creeping from room to room. Instead of confronting him or exposing his game, they chose sides: the first floor (the groundhogs) supported one student and the second floor (the upstairs) cheered for the other female student. In the end, the first girlfriend stayed with the guy.

Although not all campus relationships become scandals, sex and dating are hot topics among college students. It turns out, though, that most students are interested in casually dating rather than being in long-term commitments. Holly Lawless, a recent graduate of Anna Maria College, says most students subscribe to the "go to school, have fun, and get out and marry them" dating philosophy. She says that students desire the sexual freedom of being single but want a serious relationship on which to fall back. Lawless says it is not uncommon for students to sleep around, even if they are in supposedly monogamous relationships.

"It's their first chance out of the house so they think, `I'll sleep with as many people as possible, and maybe people will like me,'" Lawless says. She knew people who went through college involved in casual relationships and then suddenly got engaged during senior year to someone they had been dating for just a few months.

She also knew students who had the same high-school sweetheart throughout four years of college but who slept around with other on-campus students. They would go home during the vacations and pick up where they left off with their hometown honeys, then return to school and fool around with other people. They liked the security and stability of having a steady girlfriend or boyfriend, but wanted to experiment while they were young and in college. However, as soon as they graduated, they got engaged.

According to a 1995 study of college students conducted by Rhona Feigenbaum, Dr. Estelle Weinstein, and Dr. Efrem Rosen, by the time college students are 20 years old, 89.2 percent of male students and 83.6 percent of female students surveyed are sexually active. For both genders this is more than a 30 percent increase from the time they graduated high school.

Lisa Lindberg, another Anna Maria College student, says there is an element of "high school-ish politics" centers around college dating. She says students gossip, cheat, and play games with one another. Her "big mistake" was to date a fellow student who lived on campus. "He told me he didn't want to make our private life public," Lindberg says. She says she soon realized the reason for his secrecy was that he had "an active life in the dorms." Lindberg, who was a commuter, adds, "Commuters date commuters," and they usually do not date on-campus students or hang out in the dorms.

So where does a college student meet potential dates? Gyms seem to be meat markets where people only notice appearances. Meeting someone in a club usually leads to a disappointing first date, when the person who conversed wittily at the bar has nothing interesting to say during the first date. And the movies? Sure, if you want to hang out near the refreshment stand looking for that lone person to share popcorn and a large Pepsi with.

Lindberg says the best ways to meet people are at places that do not serve alcohol or to be introduced by friends, that's how she met her boyfriend. "The dating scene [is] very scary," Lindberg says. If you are even able to find a date, where do you go? Shopping at the Worcester Common Outlets? A romantic drive down Main Street? For a city that boasts many colleges, the lack of student-geared entertainment is appalling, students complain.

Stacy Moran, a Becker College sophomore, says, "There isn't much to do," and every place in Worcester closes before midnight, much too early for college students, who are looking for a night out after a week of writing essays and cramming for tests. Moran's Thursday-night out with friends consisted of dancing at the city's most-popular college-age club, the Palladium, but she stopped going because it was overcrowded.

Now Moran, who lives in an all-female dorm, usually hangs out on campus to watch movies with both male and female friends. She says most male and female students who pal around are just friends. Although some of these friendships take a romantic twist, Moran says, "If they take that step further, it never lasts."

Moran knows two friends who met in class and are seriously involved, but most of her classmates casually date and are not in committed relationships. "A lot of people that get serious with each other then find someone else, and it [the first relationship] fades out quickly," Moran says.

Part 2